dazed

Lmao I start something for one day and never continue, really need to get tested for adhd

I think I’m gunna start using tumblr as my dream blog because I’ve been having the most absurd dreams that feel so intense and so real that it’s driving me a little crazy. I need somewhere to vent.

2023/04/10

These dream I’ve been having are so strange that they have been fucking with my whole mood/day. It’s usually dreams about people I don’t have in my life anymore or a time when I was completely unhinged. This dream I had last night was in present day though celebrating my recent 25 birthday, it was set back in my home town at my childhood home but the layout was weirdly different. This dream started with my dad telling me I could only have 3 friends over? Also my dad moved out of this home when I was 13 so i don’t know what was going on there. I obviously did not listen which I never did and invited everyone I knew which resulted in complete random people being there. I then made up with my old best friend which was strangely therapeutic and I definitely felt less stressed during my dream. She felt very similar to me about our fucked up situation and we finally made up it honestly felt super relieving and when I woke part of me believed she might feel that way in real life. Of course I invited all the my old lovers and the first boy I ever loved showed up which is a big shocker if you knew him. This guy and I never dated in real life but we might as well should have. Honestly idk if it was my mental health was so fucked up at the time but he’s one of the only people I remember how I truly felt about and remember all the crazy moments we had together and how real like feeling were. Like I was only 14 I need to chill out but I don’t even really feel that way or remember a lot about the guy I lost my virginity to. I was such a dumb teenager. Anyways In my dream we had hot make out seshes in the bathroom and snuck around the party trying not to cause to much attention to us. It felt so real though like I remember so many little details like where he would touch me, the butterflies I felt like ugh currently I am not dating anyone or feel the need to date so I think I’m just lusting over it more. I also haven’t talked to this guy in a year and half and he definitely doesn’t need me messaging him out of the blue telling him I’ve been having dreams about him which I have in the past but it just doesn’t seem like a good idea no matter how much I want to. I just wish I knew more about his current life, he post nothing on social media and I’ve never been able to find an instagram. Anyways I’ve been thinking about these two people a lot lately and I feel that’s why I had this intense dream it was so vivid and felt so real. There was many other little details that happened that were just completely bizarre but made it so much more surreal. My Dreams have been affecting me a lot recently so I need some sort of way to work through it. Recently I’ve been scream crying in dreams, waking up in a complete panic and feels like I’m out of breath and it’s been ruining my whole mood.

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